crshoveride1
07-02-2004, 12:18 AM
25 THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BY MIDDLE AGE (read them all)
1.. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity
3.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
4.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5.. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.
6.. The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance
7.. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious.
8.. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9.. For every action, there's an equal and opposite government
program.
10.. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
trip.
11.. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
12.. A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
13.. Eat well, stay fit. die anyway.
14.. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth, deal with it.
15.. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes
16.. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17.. Middle Age is when the broad mind and the narrow waist change
places.
18.. Opportunities always look bigger going away than coming towards
you.
19.. Junk is something you've kept for years only to throw away three
weeks before you need it.
20.. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21.. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.
22.. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
23.. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24.. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.
25.. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
1.. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity
3.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.
4.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5.. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.
6.. The best way to do housework is to sweep the room with a glance
7.. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious.
8.. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9.. For every action, there's an equal and opposite government
program.
10.. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
trip.
11.. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
12.. A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
13.. Eat well, stay fit. die anyway.
14.. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth, deal with it.
15.. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes
16.. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17.. Middle Age is when the broad mind and the narrow waist change
places.
18.. Opportunities always look bigger going away than coming towards
you.
19.. Junk is something you've kept for years only to throw away three
weeks before you need it.
20.. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21.. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.
22.. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
23.. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24.. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.
25.. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.